« Do you think I’d know the first thing about how hard your life has been, how you feel, who you are because I read Oliver Twist? Does that encapsulate you? Personally, I don’t give a shit about all that, because you know what? I can’t learn anything from you I can’t read in some fuckin’ book. Unless you wanna talk about you, who you are. » (quote from the movie Good Will hunting)
You are probably asking yourself, why would a new blog start with a quote from the movie Good Will Hunting ? Simple answer. Just like Will Hunting, I was a victim of all kinds of abuse while growing up. After years of self-reflection, misery and healing, I thought it was time to bridge the gap between “life” and “theory” in regards to people that had or are living with all types of pain whether it be physical or psychological.
During my healing process, I was so tired of hearing the multitude of psychological clichés that everybody throws at you. It’s easy for people that have had somewhat “normal” lives whether they be a family member, friend, health professional or total stranger tell you the all famous words “everything will be fine”. However, with the pain that I lived through, none of these people could endure living my life for one minute and believe me shouldn’t. The worst part is, that the so called “professionals”, which are trained for years on how to help people like me, were the most disappointing. Having consulted psychological experts because I thought it was the only recourse, the one thing they taught me is that they understand the theory of abuse victims. However, what I learned during my healing process is that, “if you have not been a victim yourself, you cannot fully comprehend how this pain impacts every part of our lives”.
How did I make it through? That’s a very difficult question to answer and I am afraid that the complexity of my process cannot be summarized in a simple 1 to 5 step list. The one thing I can say is that what helped me the most was my capacity to remain lucid and stay focused on what I needed in order to make it through my personal storm even when, more often than not, my impressions were that the task would be unsurmountable. I wanted to live a better life as simple as it may sound and this was the most important factor for me.
I sincerely wanted to make it through this ordeal with minimal impact. This is where my lucidity and self-awareness went on a long vacation. Once they returned, I realized that my dark friend would follow me for the rest of my life and that I would never be free. This was a bit naïve on my part to think that my dark friend would go away when I decided that he should leave. Maybe if I had talked to a friend, professional or even someone like me, I might have saved myself this realization. For me, the most difficult part of having my dark friend present was to stay true to myself. I know today that if I hadn’t done this, my dark friend would have won the battle against me. You see, even in the best of situations, people struggle every day to remain true to themselves. Many of us succumb to the pressures of our dark friend like getting involved with drugs, alcohol or even becoming abusers. But, when your life is in turmoil for years and years, it is even more difficult or near impossible to stay levelled.
All I know is that, having had everything bad in life happen to me, I can recognize the presence of our dark friend, so I understand everything that this encompasses. I have lived through this pain and misery and no book, teacher, friend can show or teach us how to get through this and heal ourselves. Like Shawn says to Will “I cannot learn anything from you I can’t read in a fuckin book”. The healing process is something that is very personal and specific to each person and cannot be defined by psychological theory alone. My blog is meant to reach people that have a dark friend and do not know how to appease him. All I have is my experience and today I can say that I smile a lot more.